The World of Mister Zen

I have just returned from a quite beautiful week in Wales. Still very much re-entering the space we refer to as 'normal'. It seems anything but. The retreat I attended was called 'Shattering the Great Doubt', also known simply as a Koan Retreat. For those you unfamiliar with the term 'Koan' it is a short story, statement, dialogue or exchange between master and student, that is used as a form of practice in the Rinzai tradition of Zen. We are asked to meditate on , and merge with the koan, observing how it 'triggers' us or prompts and provokes habits, patterns and ways of being. It is something that must be experienced to be truly understood but that is a brief and simplistic overview. I met with 18 other curious souls to investigate and come face to face with ourselves in a rustic, electricity-less farmhouse in the middle of the welsh countryside. The schedule would involve a week of silence, meditation, great food, working for the b...

Every now and again life delivers a 'game changing' event. One that challenges us and shakes our very foundations. It is in these transcendental moments we have revealed to us the true value of our practice. We are given a very real and meaningful yardstick for where we are at. It can be all too easy to adopt a philosophy or belief that acts as a pacifier, to retreat into language in order to hide from our true feelings because the feelings are just too much to bear - To simply talk a good game. Our work is not to arrange life so as to avoid feeling pain or sadness but to re-examine our relationship to these valid and inevitable emotions and feelings. We have been taught to run from or distract ourselves from painful emotions instead of embracing them and investigating them, allowing them to appear as they are, giving them space to arise and impart upon us their profound wisdom. To maintain an open heart and willingness to learn takes great practice and ...

Attachment can show up in any number of ways. Sometimes very obviously and other times quite subtly. If we are willing to look deeply and observe our motives, expectations, desires, we can see clearly where we are being snagged by some form of attachment. Just lately I have become acutely aware of this in my own experience. I have a loved one that is trying to find her feet and work through some of her 'stuff'. As much as I can I am trying to support her through this journey and yet with some honest and compassionate words from a very dear friend of mine I was able to see that I was becoming attached to the desire for my loved one's well-being. Now, on the surface you may say that wishing another well is perhaps a reasonable or normal thing and yet it has become abundantly clear to me that it is simply a rather subtle form of attachment and actually is not an expression of unconditional love but instead a demand or expectation placed upon another. You see, each tim...

I recall once consoling a friend that was upset that her parents were selling the family home, the home she had grown up in since birth and lived in until her late 20's. She had taken her first steps in that home, left that home for her first day at school, brought her first boyfriend into that home. It held many memories and provided a secure place in which she could 'be'. That place where she could just, 'aaahhh'. What struck me at the time was how little I was able to fully identify with that sense of loss. As far back as I could remember I have never had a 'home' in the same sense of the word. I have lived in many different places throughout my life. Various 'family' homes up until 8 years old, then I lived between both my divorced parents houses, back and forth, back and forth. Into my older years I moved around a great deal and continued this learned nomadic lifestyle, I lived in other countries for a short time, lived with various people, sle...

Every morning, when I wake, I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of gratitude. A real sense of "Wow! I'm alive!" I must say, it's a great way to start the day, with the profound recognition that today was not a given. The flip side of this is the subtle awareness that one day I will not wake, that one day I will pass on. I often quote a line by a Native American elder; "The problem with your people is that you wake up every day assuming that you will live." I love this because it is so true. Do we not just take it for granted that we have awoken? That we will undoubtedly see out the day? How exactly does this presumption impact the way we live? How many of us truly acknowledge that we and all those that we love and value will one day pass? It seems to me that the prevailing feeling surrounding death in our culture is one of fear. We fear death and so we refuse to accept it as inevitable and essential to life. I have always had a fascinati...